P.L.E.Y. 0404 - Genova Deli on Broadway/51st

So sometimes I read Yelp.
Yea, sometimes.

Lotta the folks on there look like Douche-Bags.
Well, can't really say "look like" because I don't have an account (why should i, i have an f'in blog, baby!) and their pics are really small.
But alotta them sure do write like d-bags.

So when I look at dictionaries, I like to look up words I know and like. If I agree with the way they describe the words, then I like the dictionary. Same goes for a thing like Yelp - I like to look up places I like, and then I start trusting them with places I don't know yet. So why do I still not trust Yelp with places I don't know?

Place-I-know-and-like Case #1: Genova Deli, in Oakland at the little sad strip-mall on Broadway and 51st (right by the Aikido place and Bake Sale Betty's with the ironing board tables, and by the cheap-ass always-crowded Arco gas stand).

My beloved introduced me to the wonders of Genova, and although its not really "Italian" there, it satisfies my needs in the "big saucy/juicy sandwich" category. I love the crab salad sandwich, and it comes in "old '70's caddilac" size, which is really nice when you eat half out on the lawn (not included at Genova's sad little mall), and then half at work later (for those of you that work in the evenings, like I do).

The aubiance is nice an' homely, and the folks are all real nice Italian/Latino folks (sounds like J-Lo in some of her films, huh). They all build the 'wiches from the cutting board up, and you see the younger folks learning from the older folks. Most have have distinct personalities, but the beauty of it is that there is no drop-off between all of them - all make great sandwiches, and are friendly and sweet; the Walter-Cronkhite-looking gentleman that works at his own pace while talking about Looney Tunes, the large salt-n-pepper guy with quick-witted old-guy jokes (see someone's photo of him), the little kinda-squirrely guy that gave us free A's tix one time, the young latino dude with pencil-moustache and long hair, and the smiley young latino guy, as well as the get-it-done-quick latina and the others there. All friends in good sandwiches. Oh yea, and the older Authentically-Italian guy that restocks the drinks.

Now maybe my view on the place is a little utopian. Maybe there are other places that are more "authentic" or something, but I wouldn't know. I never ordered a sandwich in Rome, except for a ready-made panini across the street from the Vatican, that the large lady behind the counter threw into a open-n-close sandwich toaster, and it was the best Italian panini I've ever experienced, so so-much for "authentic."

So I go to Yelp, and after "learning" about places that I've seen and never been to, I look up a favorite of mine, Genova, and out of 368 reviews, I find a few negative ones. Granted, about 98% of the reviews are positive, so I shouldn't complain. But then I start reading these minus-minded-few, and they really get to me. Most of them are not valid 1-star or 2 star reviews, and it really gets to me that in line at Genova's, I could run into some schmuck that thinks this way. Opinions are what make the world go round, so you can think whatever you want to, about anything. But culture-bashing my favorite place is not okay to me. This is the territory from which I perch and view these few-but-really-lame reviews of my favorite sandwich place:

1-star yelp entry #1:

dog d. - San Francisco, CA - 1 star rating - 7/17/2008

Sorry everybody, I've gone in a couple times and had a hard time finding anything I wanted to eat here.
Most of the ingredients seemed way too packaged and the food preparation had no soul.
I've had both a sandwich and a hot dish and both weren't very good and were kind of pricey for what you got.

point #1: how do you rate a place at all, if you had a hard time finding anything I wanted to eat here ? Kinda missing the point, man, or I mean dog. dawg? maybe you should stick to the bagged and canned place. the PetFoodExpress and PetVet are up the street, man - I mean dog.

point #2: Most of the ingredients seemed way too packaged and the food preparation had no soul. Man, you should read my review, and go to the place I go to. Genova Deli! geez, dog, I dunno how its too packaged, when the stuff they make the 'wiches with are all laid out in tubs and the bread in baskets. maybe you didn't like the baskets. hmm.

point #3: "both weren't very good and were kind of pricey for what you got." So you being from Frisco, maybe you're used to Oakland being low-cost, huh. That's a real negative assumption on my town, man, I mean dog. I guess you're a Frisco snob-type. Like I said, stick to the canned food - my cat likes that stuff too.

1-star yelp entry #2:

Pearl F. - Oakland, CA - 1 star rating - Updated - 3/7/2009

I stand by my 1 star rating. After reading several reviews, I cannot understand why nobody makes any mention of the disgusting, old bread that Genova uses. Granted, it's only the sourdough, so maybe you all are trying the Dutch Crunch and wheat rolls, but come on! And what's up with that guy, I think his name is Dave (tall & curly, salt & pepper haired guy), who always makes the offensive jokes. On my college graduation day I ordered some lasagna (actually decent) from them to serve at my celebration party, and Dave greets me with "Big deal, I graduated from college and look where I work." Some encouragement. Look, if you hate your life, don't take it out on me, or the rest of your customers.

point #1: I stand by my 1 star rating. Good for you - I would think you would have seen the error of your ways by now. 1-star for me would be like (in a whiny-girl voice) "i saw the fat guy spit in my food, and then he stuck his paw in it and licked it to make sure the taste was good for him, and then asked me if he could lick me like that too, so i didn't tip," kinda stuff. not really "Big deal, I graduated from college and look where I work" kinda stuff. And you're not cool with my buddy "the large salt-n-pepper guy with quick-witted old-guy jokes."

Some encouragement. Look, if you hate your life, don't take it out on me, or the rest of your customers.
Yeaaa - Call me a psych-major, but I think you're projecting now. Maybe you need to frequent one-a-those no-personality places that quietly and efficiently makes a sandwich for you (on your ordinary, non-stale please, bread) that inspires you to write even more lame-o white bread reviews! Man, you're a wuss (but at least not a dog).

1-star yelp entry #3:

David R. - Berkeley, CA - 2 star rating - 12/21/2008 (okay, so its a 2-star rating)

Overrated & mediocre sandwiches. This place is designed for the masses that have simply never had an authentic Italian deli sandwich. This is a first-class duping of the typically unaware. Sour dough bread and shredded iceberg lettuce says it all. Stupid long line, pre-sliced meat and dutch crunch bread (!!!!) They wouldn't last a week in New York City.

So after my experience in Rome/Vatican City, I guess I'm one of the typically unaware, huh, O Great Italian Sandwich Master. geez. You sure you're not from San Fran'snob'sco or somethin'? And I thought you were from Berkeley. I guess I should peruse your YELP review list and find the NYC sandwich place that makes you clutch your bosom, and then fly there and eat that shit, huh. Geez man, its about context, and you're out of it! Yea, and some hole-in-the-wall place that's reviewed in Zagats or New Yorker is not designed for the masses, is it, mass-hole! You should live in the moment, in the place you're at, and stop wishing you could live back in snob-town where you used to. Actually, maybe you'd move back there and stop making the line at Genova's longer. Bitch.

---

So you see now, why 1. I don't trust people on Yelp, and 2. why I don't write these very often. I guess I should stick with sports and VWs. I guess I feel like defending places that feel like family to me, and any place that makes me a good sandwich, and then makes me happy to be there, is like family. Just ask my mommy -

- Laffy

B.I.L.O. 4/03

david9 on thesamba.com posts these images of a sweet 1950 vw in florida, complete with split rear window, and cool wheels. I like. I like very very much! and with that paint, i think i would drive that everyday, all day! shopping cart dents be damned! AAAAA!

It will be my birthday 3/15

I look out the window to see the purple pink lavender sky,
and i see the sunset on the year i was 29 (years old)
my 30th year on earth
my twenties if you will

and i think to myself
what a wonderful world
what a wonderful life
that's a movie
i know
my favorite

here at work
sports radio
and as the station and the sports world buzzes around me

puerto rico plays world baseball against the united states
and is winning

the san jose sharks play hockey against los angeles

the espn radio feed pours out stats and results from the college basketball playoff tournaments

and i think of all the times when i was 10
thinking and hoping and wishing i was older
to be able to solve all the mysteries of sports and life

now twenty or so years later
i find that the more I live
the more mysteries there are
and the more I have to work on

learning about myself over time
is about learning about the 5 good things i have going for me
and the 15 things that i need to improve on

but alot has gone right for me over this time
i have found a nice place to live my life in
a nice place in the world

i know where i've been
and i'm learning more about where i want to go

seen some things improve
i can write my thoughts
and they go all over the world
on this here
ive made friends all over the world
seen parts of the world
and learned that us humans share alot of the same things

remembering back to middle school and high school
and although i've distanced myself from both
both in time and lifestyle
i've realized that all the anxieties that i once had
have become more manageable ones
and alot of the uncertainties that i had
have become real life solutions
that i dont have to worry about as much anymore

through it all
ive seen how alot of who i was as a kid
has not changed

i dont like doing what i dont like
until i try something new and realize that i like it

i really love who and what i love
and dont go out of my way to hurt anyone

i dont really hang out with one certain type or group
i like mixing and matching
and creating my own style

i dont really like deciding on things
and i take a long time to make choices

i get along okay when i sit down and think about how i want to do something
and although i like to listen to advice
i dont always need it or take it

i love collecting things
bits of objects and information
but somewhere along the line
i learned to forget to line them up in order
and now i cant remember where i put some of them
or when or where i got them from

i can think of more
but it doesn't come out too easily
i guess it will take a while longer
and that's why i'm still here

well, one of the reasons why

Bug 'O the Day

Tonight's Bug of the Day -

I guess it beats calling it a "B.I.L.O" - Bug I'd Like to Own.

a VW Bug-MILF.

hmm - BILO doesn't sound too bad either.

Maybe tomorrow, for the next Bug 'o the day.

This one, found in the photo Gallery section of thesamba.com, posted by someone named "Primo Beer."

I have no details, but I like the way it looks - big wheel in back, no body mods, but big-wing spoiler.

Looks fast, like zero-to-sixty in 12 seconds, instead of 12 minutes. I think I timed my bug, a '71 super beetle, from a complete stop at the metering-lights to the Bay Bridge, to around 60, and I think it was about 20-30 seconds. I wasn't pushing it, but when you merge into the bus lane, and the Golden Gate Transit is coming through w/o having to stop for toll, that's motivation!

A-Rod feels Guilty today

Poor Alex Rodriguez.

They say that "Chicks dig the Longball", and A-Rod, fueled by this notion, admitted that he did what he had to do to hit those balls a long way.

Yes, he admits to taking steroids, between 2001 and 2003, but with a lot of little excuses, like that he was "young and stupid" (he was 25), that he and his cousin got it over the counter in the Dominican Republic, and that it was "amateur hour," because he didn't even know if they worked.

That's pretty funny stuff, you know. I cheated on a test in 6th Grade, when I forgot that it was coming up that day. I guess I was also "young and stupid" (I was 11), that my cousin (my buddy John K.) helped me cheat, that we got the answers over the counter/desk between us, and that it was "amateur hour" because we didn't even know if it worked (all the answers were probably wrong).

But I did it, because I didn't have a prayer, and it was math or something that you couldn't BS through. A-Rod was gonna get his bombs, whether it was 35-40 of 'em in the dry Texas heat, or 52-57 of 'em (see 2001-2, for the disputed Homer totals), apparently helped by some Tic-Tacs (his description of the pills) he got back home. Geez, if only I had Tic-Tacs that day in 6th grade...

So in honor of the "great" press-conference that A-Rod held the other day, we unveil our Laffy Productions "How are you feeling today, A-Rod" poster, available 8"x10", framed, or on a t-shirt, 100% cotton, because wearing and washing it will make it shrink, just like A-Rod apparently did after 2003 (and what some other of his bodyparts may have done during 2001-3). Rimshot here...

Hat O' The Day, 02/07

The picture at right is of Chief Myers, catcher for the 1911 NL Champion New York Giants. Today's hat is a replica of the one that he wears proudly, just as you see it there, a black had with white bill.

Why the crazy black and white uniforms? John McGraw, the Giants manager at the time, was really into showing-off. He had these uniforms created just for the World Series, to make his team look classy and tough. Actually, he had them made for the 1905 World Series, against the Philadelphia (now Oakland) Athletics, and they whipped them soundly. The 1911 World Series was a rematch, and the Giants brought back their special B&W jerseys for the occasion, and were soundly beaten by the A's. Oh well, they had it coming. Who makes World Series jerseys and gets away with it, anyway?

Apparently, and by way of this story, they don't make this hat anymore.
Not that I went to an auction house and got an original hat for a pricey sum (reminds me of the auction scene from North by Northwest- see 3:00 into the clip below, which doesn't do it justice, but it reminds me none the less, and goddamn, that woman gave me the creeps!).

Today's hat comes to me by way of the Oakland A's, for TWO whole bucks.

Yea, its a Giants hat, too.

I got it at the 2005 A's Year-end Coliseum Store Tent Clearance Sale. It was sitting alongside some Colorado Rockies hats, and a sweet Montreal Expos hat, which I knew would be rare, because they moved to Washington that year, but it was too small.

A blank, Black and White, size 7 3/4 (relatively huge for most), cap. I only knew it was a Giants cap because the nice tag that said "$2" had some details on the other side.

I guess maybe I felt in a Giants mood because of the KNBR fanfest, which I avoid because of the crowds. Maybe its because its in line with my fetish of getting unrecognizable hats for teams I like just so that I'm wearing something different from everyone else.

I wore it out today to the Oakland Farmers' Market before going into work (got some nice flavored almonds, a 10 lb bag of organic oranges, and some awesome Andy & Cindy's Thai Cuisine fish in a homemade leaf-wrapper, among others). It made me feel like a King, while spotting a guy with a "Notre Dame Soccer" cap. Maybe he was a nice guy, but I didn't get to ask. Just combining the 'Irish with a soccer team cap is asking for the Douche'Cap nomination. Sorry dude, whoever you are. Please don't track down my address and take my cool non-logo Giants cap. Maybe we can talk about caps over lunch sometime, and I'll buy. We'll talk about Touchdown Jesus, and the Golden Dome, and all will be forgotten... boy, are you a D-Bag!

Now without further ado,
the trailer to North By Northwest,
why?
Because it reminded me of getting my hat really cheap.

thanks for your patience,

Laffy

A New Beginning

So its been a while, friends.

A while ago (sometime between the 2008 MLB All-Star Game and now, according to my blog), I kept hearing this song (click on the player below) in my head, which is a pretty darn good song, and I knew that I had heard it in a movie somewhere along the line, but I couldn't remember where.

Turns out, its the end-credits to the hockey movie Miracle, with Kurt Russell as Coach Herb Brooks of the 1980 USA Olympic Hockey team.



This video is great, and credit some guy/woman called "chamilton268" with that one, but its not the end credits to the film. I guess I'll have to post what I saw, so that you can see what I like about it; the music, along with the credits for the actors, and what the real players went on to do with their lives after their hockey days. Then a nice dedication to the real Coach Brooks, who passed away before the film came out, but who did go and talk with the actors while they were filming. That was a nice touch.

Anyway, that got me to thinking about what I want to do with my life (too deep to go into detail here), and then I wanted to start writing again. So I am. Please excuse the short first column, but if this were a media-covered event (a televised return to blog-posting?! what is this, the Truman Show?!) then I would cite that song revolving in my head as the starting point for my new way of life. Well, new ways of life, but I'm not getting into all that.

You know how a lot of people take their blog(s) and open 'em up to everyone, and spill their guts and messes in life for all to see, and then TMZ or some crazy media outlet gets a hold of it, and all of a sudden, Michael Phelps gets stoned and everyone knows?! Well, this one is not gonna be like that. I'm not even gonna link that guy's name to some TMZ site for the pix, because I'm gonna leave that guy alone. I swam a mile a few times before, and I didn't even like pot when I tried it a few times, so I know what that guy is going through. (NO, I did not laugh a bunch after hitting it, I can do that w/o that stuff - it just made me really sleepy, and then I had some kind of hangover the next day, I didn't like it)

But I did, however, change the name of this fine establishment from its previous title (Laffy's Once a Month Baseball Extravaganza), to the generic reincarnation title (Laffy's More-Often, Imagination-Driven, Drivel Pad), to its current signage.

Sure hope this isn't my last posting till the All Star Break...

Knockin' on wood,

Laffy