So sometimes I read Yelp.
Yea, sometimes.
Lotta the folks on there look like Douche-Bags.
Well, can't really say "look like" because I don't have an account (why should i, i have an f'in blog, baby!) and their pics are really small.
But alotta them sure do write like d-bags.
So when I look at dictionaries, I like to look up words I know and like. If I agree with the way they describe the words, then I like the dictionary. Same goes for a thing like Yelp - I like to look up places I like, and then I start trusting them with places I don't know yet. So why do I still not trust Yelp with places I don't know?
Place-I-know-and-like Case #1: Genova Deli, in Oakland at the little sad strip-mall on Broadway and 51st (right by the Aikido place and Bake Sale Betty's with the ironing board tables, and by the cheap-ass always-crowded Arco gas stand).
My beloved introduced me to the wonders of Genova, and although its not really "Italian" there, it satisfies my needs in the "big saucy/juicy sandwich" category. I love the crab salad sandwich, and it comes in "old '70's caddilac" size, which is really nice when you eat half out on the lawn (not included at Genova's sad little mall), and then half at work later (for those of you that work in the evenings, like I do).
The aubiance is nice an' homely, and the folks are all real nice Italian/Latino folks (sounds like J-Lo in some of her films, huh). They all build the 'wiches from the cutting board up, and you see the younger folks learning from the older folks. Most have have distinct personalities, but the beauty of it is that there is no drop-off between all of them - all make great sandwiches, and are friendly and sweet; the Walter-Cronkhite-looking gentleman that works at his own pace while talking about Looney Tunes, the large salt-n-pepper guy with quick-witted old-guy jokes
(see someone's photo of him), the little kinda-squirrely guy that gave us free A's tix one time, the young latino dude with pencil-moustache and long hair, and the smiley young latino guy, as well as the get-it-done-quick latina and the others there. All friends in good sandwiches. Oh yea, and the older Authentically-Italian guy that restocks the drinks.Now maybe my view on the place is a little utopian. Maybe there are other places that are more "authentic" or something, but I wouldn't know. I never ordered a sandwich in Rome, except for a ready-made panini across the street from the Vatican, that the large lady behind the counter threw into a open-n-close sandwich toaster, and it was the best Italian panini I've ever experienced, so so-much for "authentic."
So I go to Yelp, and after "learning" about places that I've seen and never been to, I look up a favorite of mine, Genova, and out of 368 reviews, I find a few negative ones. Granted, about 98% of the reviews are positive, so I shouldn't complain. But then I start reading these minus-minded-few, and they really get to me. Most of them are not valid 1-star or 2 star reviews, and it really gets to me that in line at Genova's, I could run into some schmuck that thinks this way. Opinions are what make the world go round, so you can think whatever you want to, about anything. But culture-bashing my favorite place is not okay to me. This is the territory from which I perch and view these few-but-really-lame reviews of my favorite sandwich place:
1-star yelp entry #1:
dog d. - San Francisco, CA - 1 star rating - 7/17/2008
Sorry everybody, I've gone in a couple times and had a hard time finding anything I wanted to eat here.
Most of the ingredients seemed way too packaged and the food preparation had no soul.
I've had both a sandwich and a hot dish and both weren't very good and were kind of pricey for what you got.
point #1: how do you rate a place at all, if you had a hard time finding anything I wanted to eat here ? Kinda missing the point, man, or I mean dog. dawg? maybe you should stick to the bagged and canned place. the PetFoodExpress and PetVet are up the street, man - I mean dog.
point #2: Most of the ingredients seemed way too packaged and the food preparation had no soul. Man, you should read my review, and go to the place I go to. Genova Deli! geez, dog, I dunno how its too packaged, when the stuff they make the 'wiches with are all laid out in tubs and the bread in baskets. maybe you didn't like the baskets. hmm.
point #3: "both weren't very good and were kind of pricey for what you got." So you being from Frisco, maybe you're used to Oakland being low-cost, huh. That's a real negative assumption on my town, man, I mean dog. I guess you're a Frisco snob-type. Like I said, stick to the canned food - my cat likes that stuff too.
1-star yelp entry #2:
Pearl F. - Oakland, CA - 1 star rating - Updated - 3/7/2009
I stand by my 1 star rating. After reading several reviews, I cannot understand why nobody makes any mention of the disgusting, old bread that Genova uses. Granted, it's only the sourdough, so maybe you all are trying the Dutch Crunch and wheat rolls, but come on! And what's up with that guy, I think his name is Dave (tall & curly, salt & pepper haired guy), who always makes the offensive jokes. On my college graduation day I ordered some lasagna (actually decent) from them to serve at my celebration party, and Dave greets me with "Big deal, I graduated from college and look where I work." Some encouragement. Look, if you hate your life, don't take it out on me, or the rest of your customers.
point #1: I stand by my 1 star rating. Good for you - I would think you would have seen the error of your ways by now. 1-star for me would be like (in a whiny-girl voice) "i saw the fat guy spit in my food, and then he stuck his paw in it and licked it to make sure the taste was good for him, and then asked me if he could lick me like that too, so i didn't tip," kinda stuff. not really "Big deal, I graduated from college and look where I work" kinda stuff. And you're not cool with my buddy "the large salt-n-pepper guy with quick-witted old-guy jokes."
Some encouragement. Look, if you hate your life, don't take it out on me, or the rest of your customers.
Yeaaa - Call me a psych-major, but I think you're projecting now. Maybe you need to frequent one-a-those no-personality places that quietly and efficiently makes a sandwich for you (on your ordinary, non-stale please, bread) that inspires you to write even more lame-o white bread reviews! Man, you're a wuss (but at least not a dog).
1-star yelp entry #3:
David R. - Berkeley, CA - 2 star rating - 12/21/2008 (okay, so its a 2-star rating)
Overrated & mediocre sandwiches. This place is designed for the masses that have simply never had an authentic Italian deli sandwich. This is a first-class duping of the typically unaware. Sour dough bread and shredded iceberg lettuce says it all. Stupid long line, pre-sliced meat and dutch crunch bread (!!!!) They wouldn't last a week in New York City.
So after my experience in Rome/Vatican City, I guess I'm one of the typically unaware, huh, O Great Italian Sandwich Master. geez. You sure you're not from San Fran'snob'sco or somethin'? And I thought you were from Berkeley. I guess I should peruse your YELP review list and find the NYC sandwich place that makes you clutch your bosom, and then fly there and eat that shit, huh. Geez man, its about context, and you're out of it! Yea, and some hole-in-the-wall place that's reviewed in Zagats or New Yorker is not designed for the masses, is it, mass-hole! You should live in the moment, in the place you're at, and stop wishing you could live back in snob-town where you used to. Actually, maybe you'd move back there and stop making the line at Genova's longer. Bitch.
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So you see now, why 1. I don't trust people on Yelp, and 2. why I don't write these very often. I guess I should stick with sports and VWs. I guess I feel like defending places that feel like family to me, and any place that makes me a good sandwich, and then makes me happy to be there, is like family. Just ask my mommy -
- Laffy
